Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moods. Show all posts
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A note from my ex....
Dear Thack,
I hope you're doing well. Its weird how we all start a written message or a mail with that statement... Since I know you well, I know that to everyone's eye you must be "doing well"... Then again I know your fluctuating moods.
I think I know you well enough to say that you're bugged with something... Of coz unlike most other people I know, instead of your face and your words, your published work has always been the reflection of your inner self. and even that is not straight forward!! You always hide your emotions in a cyclone of (almost) irrelevant words within your work. I should say that it was nearly impossible for me to read you most of the time, but then again, you always managed to show what exactly you wanted others to read, and then maybe sometimes you decided against it ended up confusing your reader again with something else... it was interesting and frustrating at the same time...
Ok, leave that bit for the time being. I'm good. Life is going on as it could and I'm living a purposeful life. I have my targets to cover, and I have dreams that I pursue and I enjoy on my way. True its not easy, but its my believe that it couldn't have happened any other way. I know that the we all think from time to time that we could've had a better life. True... we could've; or we could've not!!! as you always expected, my honest answer will be, no one would know!!! But looking at a chain of events in my recent years, I'd say things happen for a reason, and its almost impossible for it to happen otherwise. Both you and I through our experience know that we make the best choice that we could make at the given point; which leads us to the present. The choice of course is always the killer I suppose. So yeah, we made our choices in the past and our paths have being lead by them to the present.
Shifting the focus back to you my friend; (well I'll happily call you my friend still because you are. I found the best of friends in you before everything turned in to a beautiful relationship which followed by a complicated mess!) I'm not happy that you're still lingering in your past. It'll be partly my fault, since I know your weaknesses maybe I should step completely away, so that you will not be reminded of and start reliving your past. You were a good friend who helped me through my life, being there through each and every step sharing. and I'm quite sure that you still are the nice helpful dude I used to know. It was your weakness and your strength. I know how careful you are in your relationships and how you try to manage each and everything in your relationships. Even though I still strongly disagree with your way; I still believe that you always had the reasons to act the way you did; which you could always explain in great detail and it always made sense!! After all, you are the kind of person who'd take a fall instead of hurting even your enemy. in that way you're a bit weak I think, but again I know you'd face the fall directly, and be happy about how you managed to keep your cool and how much the other person needed that, making you stronger than anyone who'd just face things with anger or rage. You always said that if you think you understand better than the others, then its you would do things that other people might think crazy, weird or even kissing ass!!!
Which of course makes you "that" guy!! :P (of course you knew where this is heading to didn't you??) Probably that was the first time I've seen you pouring yourself out like that. I thank you and appreciate you for the person you are. Even though you being "that guy" did actually caused a lot "problems" in the last bit of our life, it is whom you are!!! I don't think you can help it even if you tried to. and I know for a fact that you help or be there for people who deserve/ need it. I don't know where the note/ Blog post was aimed to. Maybe it was just self realisation or it was meant to go to someone specific or it was just aimed at your past. as for
Self realization–well you probably knew yourself before that writing, and I know that you hardly spit things out for the person whom you'd reach out to read. You'd probably wait for them to realise or simply be a very honest and say it to the face. If its aimed at your past. well, I never too you for a fool but there was a point that I thought you (are)were extremely selfish!!! I'm sorry that I'm trying to analyse your action right now, but I'm just trying your methods I guess!! (and yep, I still hate the fact that you always had to analyse each and every thing in a relationship... Oh how much I hated it when you'd sit back, take a few seconds with a blank face to think, i could see the chain of thoughts running on head head!!!! I still say that sometime you SHOULD let things happen and leave the analysing out!!!) anyway, back to the topic, You are that guy, and I could relate and even add a fair bit to that list. I know that you do all that, and let the person to turn the back to you; but still will be able to NOT to get pissed off with the person and just be happy that you helped. I know how many people did that to you even. I just wanted to know, people probably realise whom you are and appreciate your help and support. It disturbs me that you spat that out, because its highly unlike you. You've always been a good friend to people. Truthful, honest and caring we love you for that. I miss the comfort zone that I had with you, I miss sharing every ridiculous though and incident of my day in the afternoon, I miss the good fine intellectually stimulating talks we used to have, I miss being able to read a novel and have a fine discussion over it, I miss walking on a road and being able to make a joke of every stone, pebble or a blade of grass that we might encounter on our way. I miss my friend. You are a better friend than a lover. You can give love in a way that others cannot or maybe even wouldn't. I don't see things been any different from how they're now though, things happen for a reason, just try to realize the reason. after all, you always searched for a purpose and reason in life, maybe it is to share the kindness and love you have within you...
I hope that your emotional hurricane will settle and everything will turn out to be ok soon. You just be yourself, and let people accept you for whom you are!! thats what you always said, and I know that its actually the best thing to do. True everyone has their weaknesses and everyone makes mistakes and fall sometimes. but whats important is that you learn, (which you always did..) it makes you a better person every time I suppose. that is what makes a person.. Thats what makes you THAT guy whom you are.
Love
xxx
I hope you're doing well. Its weird how we all start a written message or a mail with that statement... Since I know you well, I know that to everyone's eye you must be "doing well"... Then again I know your fluctuating moods.
I think I know you well enough to say that you're bugged with something... Of coz unlike most other people I know, instead of your face and your words, your published work has always been the reflection of your inner self. and even that is not straight forward!! You always hide your emotions in a cyclone of (almost) irrelevant words within your work. I should say that it was nearly impossible for me to read you most of the time, but then again, you always managed to show what exactly you wanted others to read, and then maybe sometimes you decided against it ended up confusing your reader again with something else... it was interesting and frustrating at the same time...
Ok, leave that bit for the time being. I'm good. Life is going on as it could and I'm living a purposeful life. I have my targets to cover, and I have dreams that I pursue and I enjoy on my way. True its not easy, but its my believe that it couldn't have happened any other way. I know that the we all think from time to time that we could've had a better life. True... we could've; or we could've not!!! as you always expected, my honest answer will be, no one would know!!! But looking at a chain of events in my recent years, I'd say things happen for a reason, and its almost impossible for it to happen otherwise. Both you and I through our experience know that we make the best choice that we could make at the given point; which leads us to the present. The choice of course is always the killer I suppose. So yeah, we made our choices in the past and our paths have being lead by them to the present.
Shifting the focus back to you my friend; (well I'll happily call you my friend still because you are. I found the best of friends in you before everything turned in to a beautiful relationship which followed by a complicated mess!) I'm not happy that you're still lingering in your past. It'll be partly my fault, since I know your weaknesses maybe I should step completely away, so that you will not be reminded of and start reliving your past. You were a good friend who helped me through my life, being there through each and every step sharing. and I'm quite sure that you still are the nice helpful dude I used to know. It was your weakness and your strength. I know how careful you are in your relationships and how you try to manage each and everything in your relationships. Even though I still strongly disagree with your way; I still believe that you always had the reasons to act the way you did; which you could always explain in great detail and it always made sense!! After all, you are the kind of person who'd take a fall instead of hurting even your enemy. in that way you're a bit weak I think, but again I know you'd face the fall directly, and be happy about how you managed to keep your cool and how much the other person needed that, making you stronger than anyone who'd just face things with anger or rage. You always said that if you think you understand better than the others, then its you would do things that other people might think crazy, weird or even kissing ass!!!
Which of course makes you "that" guy!! :P (of course you knew where this is heading to didn't you??) Probably that was the first time I've seen you pouring yourself out like that. I thank you and appreciate you for the person you are. Even though you being "that guy" did actually caused a lot "problems" in the last bit of our life, it is whom you are!!! I don't think you can help it even if you tried to. and I know for a fact that you help or be there for people who deserve/ need it. I don't know where the note/ Blog post was aimed to. Maybe it was just self realisation or it was meant to go to someone specific or it was just aimed at your past. as for
Self realization–well you probably knew yourself before that writing, and I know that you hardly spit things out for the person whom you'd reach out to read. You'd probably wait for them to realise or simply be a very honest and say it to the face. If its aimed at your past. well, I never too you for a fool but there was a point that I thought you (are)were extremely selfish!!! I'm sorry that I'm trying to analyse your action right now, but I'm just trying your methods I guess!! (and yep, I still hate the fact that you always had to analyse each and every thing in a relationship... Oh how much I hated it when you'd sit back, take a few seconds with a blank face to think, i could see the chain of thoughts running on head head!!!! I still say that sometime you SHOULD let things happen and leave the analysing out!!!) anyway, back to the topic, You are that guy, and I could relate and even add a fair bit to that list. I know that you do all that, and let the person to turn the back to you; but still will be able to NOT to get pissed off with the person and just be happy that you helped. I know how many people did that to you even. I just wanted to know, people probably realise whom you are and appreciate your help and support. It disturbs me that you spat that out, because its highly unlike you. You've always been a good friend to people. Truthful, honest and caring we love you for that. I miss the comfort zone that I had with you, I miss sharing every ridiculous though and incident of my day in the afternoon, I miss the good fine intellectually stimulating talks we used to have, I miss being able to read a novel and have a fine discussion over it, I miss walking on a road and being able to make a joke of every stone, pebble or a blade of grass that we might encounter on our way. I miss my friend. You are a better friend than a lover. You can give love in a way that others cannot or maybe even wouldn't. I don't see things been any different from how they're now though, things happen for a reason, just try to realize the reason. after all, you always searched for a purpose and reason in life, maybe it is to share the kindness and love you have within you...
I hope that your emotional hurricane will settle and everything will turn out to be ok soon. You just be yourself, and let people accept you for whom you are!! thats what you always said, and I know that its actually the best thing to do. True everyone has their weaknesses and everyone makes mistakes and fall sometimes. but whats important is that you learn, (which you always did..) it makes you a better person every time I suppose. that is what makes a person.. Thats what makes you THAT guy whom you are.
Love
xxx
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Emotionally weird..
when I was young, I loved to stare at the sky. I always was fascinated by the millions tiny little flickering lights that hung over us. When I read and learnt about all the theories about the universe and its immense size, I used to screw my brains off trying to think in to the infinity... I used to stare up and wonder what the hell am I? Time has gone by since then, I couldn't see stars when i looked up at colombo, all u see is the orange haziness!! even here, u only can spot venus and a few other bright ones through the smog!!!.. but I still find myself wondering, what the hell am I???
Most of the time I feel weird... I look outside at everything... and i can't help thinking, what would be others seeing right now??? its weird to think that we don't see us, but we see everything else!!! The concept of the "third person view" really fascinates me... I often wish if I could jump out of my body and have a good look at my own self... as if i'm looking at another person... don't u think it'll be fascinating?? and its really really funny to think that I've seen all these people but not myself!!! its only but a reflection I've seen!!!which we can take metaphorically, that we don't see ourselves.. this in a way could be really true when think about urself and the others around u... We often are biased on anything when it comes to our own selves!! we often are never wrong... we totally disregard chunks of valid data just to prove ourselves right and even go up to extremes to make sure that people see it ourway.. totally ignoring the real facts of the situation!!! we always try to judge everyone and everything else but ourselves!!! Ever since i've noticed this, i've always tried to take a step back, and think and look at everything through... of coz its really really hard!! but I try... I think me trying to do that have given me great insight about myself. and this definitely has adjusted my way of life and thinking and reacting patterns. People tend to think I'm a bit weird and different to a "normal" person... when one of my friends told me that, I asked her "what is normal??" to which she laughed!! its strange how people standardise things.. but the sad thing is, they totally forget about humans being individuals!!! sometimes I did too wondered if what they say is true and that i've lost it or something.!! but then after thinking a bit hard I realized that they're just being human!!!!
Most of the time I feel weird... I look outside at everything... and i can't help thinking, what would be others seeing right now??? its weird to think that we don't see us, but we see everything else!!! The concept of the "third person view" really fascinates me... I often wish if I could jump out of my body and have a good look at my own self... as if i'm looking at another person... don't u think it'll be fascinating?? and its really really funny to think that I've seen all these people but not myself!!! its only but a reflection I've seen!!!which we can take metaphorically, that we don't see ourselves.. this in a way could be really true when think about urself and the others around u... We often are biased on anything when it comes to our own selves!! we often are never wrong... we totally disregard chunks of valid data just to prove ourselves right and even go up to extremes to make sure that people see it ourway.. totally ignoring the real facts of the situation!!! we always try to judge everyone and everything else but ourselves!!! Ever since i've noticed this, i've always tried to take a step back, and think and look at everything through... of coz its really really hard!! but I try... I think me trying to do that have given me great insight about myself. and this definitely has adjusted my way of life and thinking and reacting patterns. People tend to think I'm a bit weird and different to a "normal" person... when one of my friends told me that, I asked her "what is normal??" to which she laughed!! its strange how people standardise things.. but the sad thing is, they totally forget about humans being individuals!!! sometimes I did too wondered if what they say is true and that i've lost it or something.!! but then after thinking a bit hard I realized that they're just being human!!!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Amma........
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Another year......
Well.. here we are... 2008... just like that... he he he..
since Jan 2007, I'm still not over my ex, I've resigned from my job, I'm 8000 miles away ... leaving everyone I know and love... go settled in a totally strange land.. and well.. doing good too... :) but it was wild ride... specially the leaving my job part... it was not due to having to leave for my studies... it was because of a slutty lying bitch at work who thought that I was "problem" for her career!! and a stupid enough chairman who actually bought a story that made no sense... ya whatever.... heard the accusations on the first day.. and the next day i resigner.. it was totally pointless.. thankfully i had by back up plans already in motion.. so it was ok... I left the country after that...
the worst thing was... to leave my parents and my bro's and specially my friends.. whom i spend all my free time with... and all the other comforts.. the cool income and the car... which i cannot afford anymore.. and have to rely on public transport... [which is much better than sl.. but still... :( ] but it was good change...
weird the way how I celebrated though... Frankly I didn't celebrate at all... went to the local library.. and got myself a book that i always wanted to read.. that was about it... thinking of it... i think i can see a few reasons why I just stayed in...
first... I simply was not bothered...
second... the company... I had the coolest friends back in SL.. and i never met anyone who could even match that here... of coz they're totally different..but very nice friendly people.. but.. maybe for me it takes a while to make friends... anyways... if i had some cooler company.. it might have been different...
third... hate to admit it but financial.... :P yeah well... not easy to spend in multiplications of 220 u know.. :P
but unlike any of u.. I went to places that only u can go in ur imagination.. and frankly i totally lost track of time untill i hear the fireworks... he he he..
speaking of fireworks..
i heard that at London they spend 1 million pounds for new years ever fireworks display thing...
that would be about 200 million SL rupees... now THAT is wasting... just imagine what they could've done with that money... a half of it maybe... around the world.. how much needy people are there!!!
hmmm.. well... maybe thats something we all can think of in this new year.... again.. no one will actually bother even...
anyways ppl...
A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope all of u will have a good one... :D
since Jan 2007, I'm still not over my ex, I've resigned from my job, I'm 8000 miles away ... leaving everyone I know and love... go settled in a totally strange land.. and well.. doing good too... :) but it was wild ride... specially the leaving my job part... it was not due to having to leave for my studies... it was because of a slutty lying bitch at work who thought that I was "problem" for her career!! and a stupid enough chairman who actually bought a story that made no sense... ya whatever.... heard the accusations on the first day.. and the next day i resigner.. it was totally pointless.. thankfully i had by back up plans already in motion.. so it was ok... I left the country after that...
the worst thing was... to leave my parents and my bro's and specially my friends.. whom i spend all my free time with... and all the other comforts.. the cool income and the car... which i cannot afford anymore.. and have to rely on public transport... [which is much better than sl.. but still... :( ] but it was good change...
weird the way how I celebrated though... Frankly I didn't celebrate at all... went to the local library.. and got myself a book that i always wanted to read.. that was about it... thinking of it... i think i can see a few reasons why I just stayed in...
first... I simply was not bothered...
second... the company... I had the coolest friends back in SL.. and i never met anyone who could even match that here... of coz they're totally different..but very nice friendly people.. but.. maybe for me it takes a while to make friends... anyways... if i had some cooler company.. it might have been different...
third... hate to admit it but financial.... :P yeah well... not easy to spend in multiplications of 220 u know.. :P
but unlike any of u.. I went to places that only u can go in ur imagination.. and frankly i totally lost track of time untill i hear the fireworks... he he he..
speaking of fireworks..
i heard that at London they spend 1 million pounds for new years ever fireworks display thing...
that would be about 200 million SL rupees... now THAT is wasting... just imagine what they could've done with that money... a half of it maybe... around the world.. how much needy people are there!!!
hmmm.. well... maybe thats something we all can think of in this new year.... again.. no one will actually bother even...
anyways ppl...
A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope all of u will have a good one... :D
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
you would've been celebrating today.....
only i know how much my life is empty without you..... do you remember what my ex used to say???
"well.. there is someone thing that anyone who is in love with will have to cope with... that'll be you... I've often felt that I'm the second important thing whenever you're in the picture".....
he he.. well later on she understood that the love and specialty that I have for you was different to what I have for her... she equally liked you... I know that...
It was the comfort and the understanding that you gave me... I always felt warm and safe around you...
I remember when appachchi (sinhalese word for father) used to call you up and complain about me.... he knew that you were the one whom could convey anything to me.... in a very constructive way... none knew me like you knew me... i guess it was easier coz we were two of a kind... and we shared alot in common... and you saw through me and inside out... you were THE person akks.... and I miss soo sooo sooooooo much.... there ain't a day nor a special moment that i won't miss you... i always always wish that things were different.... i wish that you didn't have to go... Its your guidance that i'm still following akki... and .... you would've been happy for me today.... I miss being loved and to love someone to such an extent that other people don't even understand....
If things were different... you would've get a bunch of flower, a big card and a ton of love from me.... but its not... its life... you loose people... thats a part of the bitter truth... I'd wish you a happy birthday.... but I know that it won't be make much sense to you now... But wish you all the best where ever you are... you deserve that... and I wish you long life... and may you never come to pass away in such a horrible untimely death.... I love you darling sis.... and I miss you so so sooooooooooooooo much.... may you be happy and peaceful where ever you are....
and here's to you akki.... i know this song ALWAYS brought a smile to your face... and often made your day.....
"well.. there is someone thing that anyone who is in love with will have to cope with... that'll be you... I've often felt that I'm the second important thing whenever you're in the picture".....
he he.. well later on she understood that the love and specialty that I have for you was different to what I have for her... she equally liked you... I know that...
It was the comfort and the understanding that you gave me... I always felt warm and safe around you...
I remember when appachchi (sinhalese word for father) used to call you up and complain about me.... he knew that you were the one whom could convey anything to me.... in a very constructive way... none knew me like you knew me... i guess it was easier coz we were two of a kind... and we shared alot in common... and you saw through me and inside out... you were THE person akks.... and I miss soo sooo sooooooo much.... there ain't a day nor a special moment that i won't miss you... i always always wish that things were different.... i wish that you didn't have to go... Its your guidance that i'm still following akki... and .... you would've been happy for me today.... I miss being loved and to love someone to such an extent that other people don't even understand....
If things were different... you would've get a bunch of flower, a big card and a ton of love from me.... but its not... its life... you loose people... thats a part of the bitter truth... I'd wish you a happy birthday.... but I know that it won't be make much sense to you now... But wish you all the best where ever you are... you deserve that... and I wish you long life... and may you never come to pass away in such a horrible untimely death.... I love you darling sis.... and I miss you so so sooooooooooooooo much.... may you be happy and peaceful where ever you are....
and here's to you akki.... i know this song ALWAYS brought a smile to your face... and often made your day.....
Friday, November 02, 2007
Not a day passed me by
When I don’t think about you
and there’s no moving on
cause I know you’re the one
and I can’t be without you.......
Can we bring yesterday
Back around
Cause I know how I feel
About you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel
about you now..................
suppose that says what i still feel (but I believe i knew how i felt all along.. ) I wish her another brilliant year in her life..... :-)
When I don’t think about you
and there’s no moving on
cause I know you’re the one
and I can’t be without you.......
Can we bring yesterday
Back around
Cause I know how I feel
About you now
I was dumb I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel
about you now..................
suppose that says what i still feel (but I believe i knew how i felt all along.. ) I wish her another brilliant year in her life..... :-)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Darkness.....
The dark gloomy skies with no spec of light…
Leaves me wondering…
Has the sun given up on this world???
Leaving it to drench in the unforgiving darkness…
Where is the light that used to accost me every morning??
I clearly remember how it used to shine…
When I looked out side and felt the warmth…
The warmth that brought a smile to my face…
My visions blurred…
The misty veil makes me partly blind…
Nothing but smears and distorted figures…
Where am I???
The screaming silence…
What happened to the melodious sounds that gave life to the mornings???
I want cry out loud…
But no sound comes out…
What has gone wrong?
Has some unholy terror has unleashed its legions in to the world?
Spreading the poisonous gloom and misery??
What is killing the sweet mornings??
I closed my eyes trying to shut myself… Disconnect from the enclosing gloom…
Hoping that I can feel more alive…
Hoping that I can feel how I used to feel every morning…
Then it dawned to me…
Its not the world..... The gloom is inside…
Friday, October 19, 2007
Things that irritates me these days.....
I'm a patient man... well.. I've taught myself to become patient... once upon a time I was not this patient... and I was quite famous for that too.... but in time I've matured and I taught myself to be patient, practiced and put a lot of effort and built my tolerance to bull shit (above normal limits I should add)...
but the truth is that I do get pissed off... just that I don't react like I used to... or the people involved don't see how much I'm pissed off to be more precise...
and there are these other smaller facts that irritates you... You don't get F***ing pissed off... but still annoys and irritates you... I'm constantly getting irritated by a few things these days... here are a few... in a random order..
Kids with loud music on buses...
mostly teenagers with mobile phones... They really are under the impression that everyone wants to listen to their stupid music... I always have my own music with me... I've been carrying my own mobile music player for the passed 6-7 years... from the old Walkmans, to disc man to mp3 (disk) players to my iPod (current) and I listen to kinda hard stuff... here... with Dimmu Borgir beating up my ears i still can hear some idiots music on their mobiles... the audio quality is nil and its an irritation to the ear!!!!
Chewing gum on public places...
Specially in buses... you step on chewing gum... you accidentally touch some bloody hell... its so annoying... why cant they just put it in to a bin or NOT stick it on the bus where ppl will come in to contact...
Teenagers screaming there heads off on the road...
as if someone is committing a massacre on the road!!! (girls) They bloody yell and scream at the top of their voice... just because they saw a friend or something... but its sooo irritating...
Butt heads who leaves bottles and empty cans in buses...
they roll around and I almost broke my neck while climbing down the stairs from the bus... stupid idiots...
Last but definitely not least
the stupid fart head who this this house with me...
its a Sri Lankan who has been here for sometime now.. about 55, single... not seeing anyone also... a stupid lonely miserable man... I rarely complain about people i have to put up with... but this man is pushing it... too far too wide...He makes stupid points and try to boss me around... and thats something that I really don't take very well.. Its not a position that anyone can take, takes a lot to earn that position... and he brings up stupid arguments and makes all sorts of comments; He just knows how to f***ing piss me off in a VERY bad way.... we've had a few head on collisions a few time s already and I really did tell him off... no wonder he's alone and drunk!!!! and I've complained to the land lord too... now things are kinda settled... but if i go missing again... thats because I'm in custody for murder... or I've relocated and need to fix everything from the scratch.... he he he..
but the truth is that I do get pissed off... just that I don't react like I used to... or the people involved don't see how much I'm pissed off to be more precise...
and there are these other smaller facts that irritates you... You don't get F***ing pissed off... but still annoys and irritates you... I'm constantly getting irritated by a few things these days... here are a few... in a random order..
Kids with loud music on buses...
mostly teenagers with mobile phones... They really are under the impression that everyone wants to listen to their stupid music... I always have my own music with me... I've been carrying my own mobile music player for the passed 6-7 years... from the old Walkmans, to disc man to mp3 (disk) players to my iPod (current) and I listen to kinda hard stuff... here... with Dimmu Borgir beating up my ears i still can hear some idiots music on their mobiles... the audio quality is nil and its an irritation to the ear!!!!
Chewing gum on public places...
Specially in buses... you step on chewing gum... you accidentally touch some bloody hell... its so annoying... why cant they just put it in to a bin or NOT stick it on the bus where ppl will come in to contact...
Teenagers screaming there heads off on the road...
as if someone is committing a massacre on the road!!! (girls) They bloody yell and scream at the top of their voice... just because they saw a friend or something... but its sooo irritating...
Butt heads who leaves bottles and empty cans in buses...
they roll around and I almost broke my neck while climbing down the stairs from the bus... stupid idiots...
Last but definitely not least
the stupid fart head who this this house with me...
its a Sri Lankan who has been here for sometime now.. about 55, single... not seeing anyone also... a stupid lonely miserable man... I rarely complain about people i have to put up with... but this man is pushing it... too far too wide...He makes stupid points and try to boss me around... and thats something that I really don't take very well.. Its not a position that anyone can take, takes a lot to earn that position... and he brings up stupid arguments and makes all sorts of comments; He just knows how to f***ing piss me off in a VERY bad way.... we've had a few head on collisions a few time s already and I really did tell him off... no wonder he's alone and drunk!!!! and I've complained to the land lord too... now things are kinda settled... but if i go missing again... thats because I'm in custody for murder... or I've relocated and need to fix everything from the scratch.... he he he..
Friday, July 13, 2007
The reason why i went brownish.....
Yep... I've switched from black to brown... I don't think I got tired of black... I won't get tired of black... it's a lovely color... or can we call it a color?? Both Black and White... can we call them colors??? Its more like either presence of all the colors or the absense of all the colors...
anyways.. I finished the below painting yesterday... and I liked the colors... probably thats the reason why I've switched to brown.....
Gauche colors on medium grain french water color paper... Click on the image for a larger view...
One thing that I like about this is the movement involved.. Its everywhere... the earth and the sky... and amidst of that wild moving back ground the single tree stays rooted motionless... alone.. lifeless and still against the fading skies....
anyways.. I finished the below painting yesterday... and I liked the colors... probably thats the reason why I've switched to brown.....
Gauche colors on medium grain french water color paper... Click on the image for a larger view...One thing that I like about this is the movement involved.. Its everywhere... the earth and the sky... and amidst of that wild moving back ground the single tree stays rooted motionless... alone.. lifeless and still against the fading skies....
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Top five things about my ex...
No 5.
Sense of humor: She was funny!! She had a great sense of humor. We could make a funny joke with almost anything. I always laughed when I was around her…
No 4.
Intellect: She was smart. She was smart and she always made sense when she talked. She knew what she was talking about and had an amazing capability of hitting the correct point when she was in conversation or debate. And she was a good listener at the same time. She reads almost anything and she had an open mind. I loved that about her… I was crazy over her for that. I could always have a good meaningful delightful educative conversation about almost anything with her. I miss that.
No 3.
The smile: The best… the best that is… the best there was in the history of the man kind... And the best there will be… Her smile and her laugh… always sent tingles and shivers down my spine. She laughs with her whole body… lips face eyes and all… and can be quite loud too…
No 2.
Her smell: Maybe it’s something to do with the pheromones or chemistry in humans or whatever. She eternally smelled good. Even if its only shampoo… it was like the early spring or a beautiful morning after a rain… It was something that I felt home with…
No 1.
Character: She has an amazing character. She could make an impression on a person… a good one... But she doesn’t care about what other people think of her…. She’s warm, forgiving, kind, and crazy at the same time… and she was my best friend.
Sense of humor: She was funny!! She had a great sense of humor. We could make a funny joke with almost anything. I always laughed when I was around her…
No 4.
Intellect: She was smart. She was smart and she always made sense when she talked. She knew what she was talking about and had an amazing capability of hitting the correct point when she was in conversation or debate. And she was a good listener at the same time. She reads almost anything and she had an open mind. I loved that about her… I was crazy over her for that. I could always have a good meaningful delightful educative conversation about almost anything with her. I miss that.
No 3.
The smile: The best… the best that is… the best there was in the history of the man kind... And the best there will be… Her smile and her laugh… always sent tingles and shivers down my spine. She laughs with her whole body… lips face eyes and all… and can be quite loud too…
No 2.
Her smell: Maybe it’s something to do with the pheromones or chemistry in humans or whatever. She eternally smelled good. Even if its only shampoo… it was like the early spring or a beautiful morning after a rain… It was something that I felt home with…
No 1.
Character: She has an amazing character. She could make an impression on a person… a good one... But she doesn’t care about what other people think of her…. She’s warm, forgiving, kind, and crazy at the same time… and she was my best friend.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Is it too early to think of it???
In one of the previous posts I told you ppl that both my parents retired by the end of last year!!! and then they both caugth the wretched chickungunya thing!!! That was hell... it is still hell coz it effected both of them VERY badly... they couldn't walk properly coz of of the joint pains!!! me and my bro's actually took turns in going up to kandy to be with them and look after them... it was not easy... with work and all.... but we did what we could... but to be honest i don't feel like i've done anything at all!!! I don't feel like i've done enough!!!
Anyway... when their health went down and leaft them helpless..... if effected their minds VERY badly... imagine working straight on for more than 30years day and night.. having millions of responsibilities... being under pressure... and all of a sudden not doing much work... being at home... three years ago I would've thought "Hell now THAT is life!!!" but... being more or less a work o holic... and being used to having a million of problems and pressure... and liking all that.... I know how diffi it must be!!! I'm sure that they must be feeling like nothings... they must be feeling as if they're not important anymore!! specially with the Sri Lankan ways where no one has any regards for the elderly people in society...
And I can see that they're REALLY missing work!!! They miss being important, they miss doing what they did best in their whole life...
Like I told you before my mom was teacher... She taught in Mahamaya girl's school Kandy... two weeks ago I had to drive her their because she had somethings to do at the school... It was the first time she went back since her retirement.... I needed some help from one of the teachers there for an assignment so I also went in to the staff room with her!!!!
My mom was back where she belonged, with her friends and the children!!! I could see how happy she was just to be there!!!! It was like she had forgotten all her pains and aches and sicknesses!!! She even looked younger!!!
I felt something complicated!!! I automatically started thinking how and where I'd end at!!!! is it too early to think of that?? or is it never too early to think of it???
Anyway... when their health went down and leaft them helpless..... if effected their minds VERY badly... imagine working straight on for more than 30years day and night.. having millions of responsibilities... being under pressure... and all of a sudden not doing much work... being at home... three years ago I would've thought "Hell now THAT is life!!!" but... being more or less a work o holic... and being used to having a million of problems and pressure... and liking all that.... I know how diffi it must be!!! I'm sure that they must be feeling like nothings... they must be feeling as if they're not important anymore!! specially with the Sri Lankan ways where no one has any regards for the elderly people in society...
And I can see that they're REALLY missing work!!! They miss being important, they miss doing what they did best in their whole life...
Like I told you before my mom was teacher... She taught in Mahamaya girl's school Kandy... two weeks ago I had to drive her their because she had somethings to do at the school... It was the first time she went back since her retirement.... I needed some help from one of the teachers there for an assignment so I also went in to the staff room with her!!!!
My mom was back where she belonged, with her friends and the children!!! I could see how happy she was just to be there!!!! It was like she had forgotten all her pains and aches and sicknesses!!! She even looked younger!!!
I felt something complicated!!! I automatically started thinking how and where I'd end at!!!! is it too early to think of that?? or is it never too early to think of it???
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Marching on a dead end road.
The sun must be almost out… that’s the only explanation for the gloominess of the room… she thought to herself picking up the phone pressed a couple of keys… the LCD illuminated, 6.37PM… the display shone against the dimness of the room… her eyes started hurting disagreeing to the brightness of the mobile phone screen she quickly took her eyes off it and laid it back on the mattress…
She turned her head again to a more comfortable position, bringing the ceiling to her view…
She thought about her past… She remembered the day when the familiar face appeared from the crowd at the train station… She remembered how startled she was to see him walking towards him… How uncomfortable she got when he approached him and introduced himself. Even though she already knew… it was the first time they’ve officially talked to each other… She thought hard about that moment… wondering if she should feel happy or sad; for she still felt the same uncomfortable, complicated feeling that she felt at that moment.She let a sigh… and turned back to her thoughts…
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Bye mate... it was nice having you around!!!
Lord Buddha ones said….
Through my life I’m leaned it and experienced it in many ways. When people pass away, when your friends and family move; go away from you. Maybe because of their jobs, maybe because of their studies… Maybe they’ll come back or maybe they won’t!!!
And the blessed one had told in the same sutra;
Having to reside or dwell with the people you abhor is also poignant.
This is some of the greatest sufferings that a human can go through….
In one of my previous posts I’ve mentioned an incident at my office… when one of the newly joined Miss Pink was almost mislead by my fellow workers. When young Miss Red wanted to spill some mud on me for some reason that god and she only knows… maybe not even god…
Ironically the whole plan backfired and we became best of friends at office… and she turned out to be one of the best people that I’ve known… She had great many qualities in her that none in the office possessed… She was matured in both life and work… she turned out to be a very faithful individual to the company.
Sadly (for me) she got a better offer and due to a little dissatisfaction at work and some major problems with her people after a reasonable amount of consideration she decided to take it… The new offer is very good for her… She’ll get some cool facilities, better working hours and she’d get to work in a field that she already knows like the back of her hand; Above all she’ll be comfortable with the people there too…
So it’s really good for her…
So I’m gonna experience both “Having to be away from the ones you!!” and “Having to reside or dwell with the people you abhor!!” as I really don’t enjoy the company of anyone here… maybe apart from the chairman of the company whom I work closely with…
I love what I do here… I enjoyed it throughout my working period here… but one thing was always lacking… that is a person that whom you can really interact with… someone who would really tone with me. A good person whom you really can treat and accept as a friend… these people have the tendency to recruit people who are to a different category as to mine… She did fit in to the category… and we made very good friends… She was eternally enthusiastic at her work; loved what she did; wanted the best for the company. She is one of the people who didn’t have the “ah well… the hell I should bother… I’d join somewhere else if it gets any harder here!!” attitude.
It’s a big loss for the company, but good for her… so… I’m happy for her… even if I’m gonna miss my good friend and lunch buddy…
(Obviously we’d still keep in touch and all that…. Not that the friendship will end or something…)
So I bid her farewell and wish her all the best at her new place… good luck my friend I know that you’d do very well wherever you are… It was nice working with you…and having you around!!!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Late night creativity......
I was havign a miserrable time lately.... a little bit of free time but nothing to do with it... I was feeling not all that well and amazingly tired... and no mood to do anything.... my mind was restless.... I tried few things to calm my self down and to get myself in to a good mood... after a million failed attempts one thing worked...
and I present to you.... my Sunday late night creativity....
The White Tree.....
water color on Grainy watercolor paper.... with a mix of pastel..... most probably this represents my restless mind... coz all of this painting came without a plan... from the scratch i didn't know what i was doing right till the end of it......
Dancing to the wind....
The more cheerful me... watercolor with large dry camel hair brush.... on watercolor paper... a million tiny dots to creat the shapes and illusions.....
Forlorn
I personally love this one.... one of the many faces of loneliness... and survival...
and I present to you.... my Sunday late night creativity....
The White Tree.....
water color on Grainy watercolor paper.... with a mix of pastel..... most probably this represents my restless mind... coz all of this painting came without a plan... from the scratch i didn't know what i was doing right till the end of it......
Dancing to the wind....
The more cheerful me... watercolor with large dry camel hair brush.... on watercolor paper... a million tiny dots to creat the shapes and illusions.....
Forlorn
I personally love this one.... one of the many faces of loneliness... and survival...
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