Marching on a dead end road.

She slowly opened her eyes… It too a couple of seconds for her eyes to get used to the lighting conditions of the room… even though the curtains were drawn she could feel the evening…

The sun must be almost out… that’s the only explanation for the gloominess of the room… she thought to herself picking up the phone pressed a couple of keys… the LCD illuminated, 6.37PM… the display shone against the dimness of the room… her eyes started hurting disagreeing to the brightness of the mobile phone screen she quickly took her eyes off it and laid it back on the mattress…

“The day has almost passed….”

She slowly turned her head… he was still fast asleep… she could see his bare chest slowly moving up and down… she slowly leaned forward and kissed his shoulder... so gently… afraid to wake him up… he moved… muttered something in sleep… and tightened his grip around her and fell silent again…

She kept staring at him for another few seconds… filling her heart with a lot of love… a smile came over a her… effortlessly… she felt as if she could never be more happier…

She turned her head again to a more comfortable position, bringing the ceiling to her view…

She thought about her past… She remembered the day when the familiar face appeared from the crowd at the train station… She remembered how startled she was to see him walking towards him… How uncomfortable she got when he approached him and introduced himself. Even though she already knew… it was the first time they’ve officially talked to each other… She thought hard about that moment… wondering if she should feel happy or sad; for she still felt the same uncomfortable, complicated feeling that she felt at that moment.

Her thoughts were disturbed when she heard a loud honking sound outside… some stupid bus driver was making unnecessary noise on the road… she quickly looked at him… she didn’t want his sleep to be disturbed by anything… the honking stopped and she heard the bus racing its engine and slowly moving… the engine sound faded away slowly…

She let a sigh… and turned back to her thoughts…

She remembered the day he asked him out… again the same multifaceted feeling… She didn’t know how to react or even if she wanted it or not… she remembered how she simply told him to talk to her parents…

And how fast did things happened…. Soon they were to get married.... even on the wedding day she didn’t know if he’s the one she wanted… He’s good person… A VERY good person… there were no two words about it… but is he the person she wanted?? Is he what she expected in his partner for the rest of the life??? She remembered how she wondered even holding the flower bouquet in her hand…

She shut her eyes… not wanting to remember or think anymore… She wanted everything out of her head… she forced herself to think about the present… but the memories started playing vividly… the compromises she made… all of them… how she sat back and devour the unhappiness… the emptiness she felt all along… the sense of incompletion within her self… how she sacrificed her happiness over something she never understood… how her marriage became the biggest capitulation she made…

She tightened her eyelids... she wanted this to stop… opened her eyes and held him gently… forcing her thoughts to the present… for a second her heart filled with a warm delight… and then a piercing sadness… she felt complicated again….

All she ever wanted was to feel happy, to be loved and to be taken care of… but she never went pursuing it… she always waited… forcing herself to be satisfied with what she got…

She turned her head again and looked at him… thinking how happy he made her… thinking of all the understanding that he gave to her… how he made her feel whole…

She reached to her mobile pressed the key and checked the time… 6.50 PM… she kept the phone aside and looked at him again…

She let out a big sigh….. “It’s getting late… I should get going…” she thought; not noticing how her own fingers were fiddling with her ring…

Aftermath of the Mudslides at Saraa.....

People.... Its official.... After almost working for three years... I'm resigning from the company...

Reason - Utter disappointment over the recent developments....

well... not the specific incident... but the way the senior mnagement handled it.... I was sooooo dissappointed..... So disappointed over the way the approached it... and handled it.... So with utter disgust about the mind set of the people here... I've given my resignation...

It was agonizing to hear those stories about me... and the way they treat me after all this years of faithful service.... some of you guys know how much I've put in to this place....

The upside... I won't be with the back stabbing, spineless hippocrites anymore....

The downside... I will be jobless for a while.... well till I find one that is....

So... wish me all the best guys...

Bye mate... it was nice having you around!!!

Lord Buddha ones said….

Having to be away from the ones you love is poignant.

Through my life I’m leaned it and experienced it in many ways. When people pass away, when your friends and family move; go away from you. Maybe because of their jobs, maybe because of their studies… Maybe they’ll come back or maybe they won’t!!!

And the blessed one had told in the same sutra;

Having to reside or dwell with the people you abhor is also poignant.

This is some of the greatest sufferings that a human can go through….

In one of my previous posts I’ve mentioned an incident at my office… when one of the newly joined Miss Pink was almost mislead by my fellow workers. When young Miss Red wanted to spill some mud on me for some reason that god and she only knows… maybe not even god…

Ironically the whole plan backfired and we became best of friends at office… and she turned out to be one of the best people that I’ve known… She had great many qualities in her that none in the office possessed… She was matured in both life and work… she turned out to be a very faithful individual to the company.

Sadly (for me) she got a better offer and due to a little dissatisfaction at work and some major problems with her people after a reasonable amount of consideration she decided to take it… The new offer is very good for her… She’ll get some cool facilities, better working hours and she’d get to work in a field that she already knows like the back of her hand; Above all she’ll be comfortable with the people there too…

So it’s really good for her…

So I’m gonna experience both “Having to be away from the ones you!!” and “Having to reside or dwell with the people you abhor!!” as I really don’t enjoy the company of anyone here… maybe apart from the chairman of the company whom I work closely with…

I love what I do here… I enjoyed it throughout my working period here… but one thing was always lacking… that is a person that whom you can really interact with… someone who would really tone with me. A good person whom you really can treat and accept as a friend… these people have the tendency to recruit people who are to a different category as to mine… She did fit in to the category… and we made very good friends… She was eternally enthusiastic at her work; loved what she did; wanted the best for the company. She is one of the people who didn’t have the “ah well… the hell I should bother… I’d join somewhere else if it gets any harder here!!” attitude.

It’s a big loss for the company, but good for her… so… I’m happy for her… even if I’m gonna miss my good friend and lunch buddy…

(Obviously we’d still keep in touch and all that…. Not that the friendship will end or something…)

So I bid her farewell and wish her all the best at her new place… good luck my friend I know that you’d do very well wherever you are… It was nice working with you…and having you around!!!

Late night creativity......

I was havign a miserrable time lately.... a little bit of free time but nothing to do with it... I was feeling not all that well and amazingly tired... and no mood to do anything.... my mind was restless.... I tried few things to calm my self down and to get myself in to a good mood... after a million failed attempts one thing worked...

and I present to you.... my Sunday late night creativity....


The White Tree.....


water color on Grainy watercolor paper.... with a mix of pastel..... most probably this represents my restless mind... coz all of this painting came without a plan... from the scratch i didn't know what i was doing right till the end of it......


Dancing to the wind....


The more cheerful me... watercolor with large dry camel hair brush.... on watercolor paper... a million tiny dots to creat the shapes and illusions.....


Forlorn


I personally love this one.... one of the many faces of loneliness... and survival...

Happy 2007!!!

Hi all......

After a sickenning silence I am back..... before anything else... wish you all a happy new year....

well i know that its kinda bit too late in greeting you all.... well... at least now I did right...

Anyways... looking back.... an year has gone by.....
and well..... I feel more or less the same..... for this year I have some goals set... last year,.... well overall... its was pretty fucked up..... I got my heart broken and lost the woman I love..... and some of the people I really trusted betrayed and decieved me..... I was working my butt out... practically from 8.30 am to 2.00 am..... (well I was working so that it'll keep me busy and my mind occupied.... and I go home dead tired ready to fall asleep)

One of my best frieeds (female) fell in love with me.... but I didn't share the same feeling... it was an ugly scene!!! its not easy turning down someone who is dear to you... It was quite bumpy but it sort of solved with time... the friendship was more stronger and it prevailed... Thank god!!!!

Both my parents retired.... now they're at home.... I feel so sorry and happy for them at the same time... they've done the very best for the country the family and everyone around them...

There were good things too...

I joined in Blogger and I met u guys... it was superb...... the best thing that happened.....

my friend came back to SL after almost eight years... we had a good time together.... that was one of the most enjoyable things in the past year...

I'm going to become an uncle!!!! The first baby in our family...... hurrah!!! :-)

and my elderst brother got a transfer from Jaffna to Colombo.... he is a military guy... he was over looking a small camp right at the end of the country... Point Pedro....

I met some of the nicest people that i've ever met... some from the blog it self ... a few from work...

I started a Part time job.... at a market reserch place and again.... met some VERY.. ULTIMATELY nice people.... it has the best crowd ever..... very understanding and nice people....

guess life is like that... full of ups and downs..... the real strenght is when you can face each and everything with an equanimous heart and mind.... good times- bad times, the flowers they shower at you and the shit they throw at you... everything in an equonamouse mind... coz in the end... nothing really matters.... all that really matters is how you faced it... how you handled it...

so again.... I wish you all the very best for the coming year... may you all get the strength to face and overcome all the evil that you face with... work and live up to your dreams.... and enjoy every step on your way....

May the blessings of the tripple gem will be with you....

ALL THE BEST PEOPLE....