A note from my ex....

Dear Thack,

I hope you're doing well. Its weird how we all start a written message or a mail with that statement... Since I know you well, I know that to everyone's eye you must be "doing well"... Then again I know your fluctuating moods.
I think I know you well enough to say that you're bugged with something... Of coz unlike most other people I know, instead of your face and your words, your published work has always been the reflection of your inner self. and even that is not straight forward!! You always hide your emotions in a cyclone of (almost) irrelevant words within your work. I should say that it was nearly impossible for me to read you most of the time, but then again, you always managed to show what exactly you wanted others to read, and then maybe sometimes you decided against it ended up confusing your reader again with something else... it was interesting and frustrating at the same time...

Ok, leave that bit for the time being. I'm good. Life is going on as it could and I'm living a purposeful life. I have my targets to cover, and I have dreams that I pursue and I enjoy on my way. True its not easy, but its my believe that it couldn't have happened any other way. I know that the we all think from time to time that we could've had a better life. True... we could've; or we could've not!!! as you always expected, my honest answer will be, no one would know!!! But looking at a chain of events in my recent years, I'd say things happen for a reason, and its almost impossible for it to happen otherwise. Both you and I through our experience know that we make the best choice that we could make at the given point; which leads us to the present. The choice of course is always the killer I suppose. So yeah, we made our choices in the past and our paths have being lead by them to the present.

Shifting the focus back to you my friend; (well I'll happily call you my friend still because you are. I found the best of friends in you before everything turned in to a beautiful relationship which followed by a complicated mess!) I'm not happy that you're still lingering in your past. It'll be partly my fault, since I know your weaknesses maybe I should step completely away, so that you will not be reminded of and start reliving your past. You were a good friend who helped me through my life, being there through each and every step sharing. and I'm quite sure that you still are the nice helpful dude I used to know. It was your weakness and your strength. I know how careful you are in your relationships and how you try to manage each and everything in your relationships. Even though I still strongly disagree with your way; I still believe that you always had the reasons to act the way you did; which you could always explain in great detail and it always made sense!! After all, you are the kind of person who'd take a fall instead of hurting even your enemy. in that way you're a bit weak I think, but again I know you'd face the fall directly, and be happy about how you managed to keep your cool and how much the other person needed that, making you stronger than anyone who'd just face things with anger or rage. You always said that if you think you understand better than the others, then its you would do things that other people might think crazy, weird or even kissing ass!!!

Which of course makes you "that" guy!! :P (of course you knew where this is heading to didn't you??) Probably that was the first time I've seen you pouring yourself out like that. I thank you and appreciate you for the person you are. Even though you being "that guy" did actually caused a lot "problems" in the last bit of our life, it is whom you are!!! I don't think you can help it even if you tried to. and I know for a fact that you help or be there for people who deserve/ need it. I don't know where the note/ Blog post was aimed to. Maybe it was just self realisation or it was meant to go to someone specific or it was just aimed at your past. as for
Self realization–well you probably knew yourself before that writing, and I know that you hardly spit things out for the person whom you'd reach out to read. You'd probably wait for them to realise or simply be a very honest and say it to the face. If its aimed at your past. well, I never too you for a fool but there was a point that I thought you (are)were extremely selfish!!! I'm sorry that I'm trying to analyse your action right now, but I'm just trying your methods I guess!! (and yep, I still hate the fact that you always had to analyse each and every thing in a relationship... Oh how much I hated it when you'd sit back, take a few seconds with a blank face to think, i could see the chain of thoughts running on head head!!!! I still say that sometime you SHOULD let things happen and leave the analysing out!!!) anyway, back to the topic, You are that guy, and I could relate and even add a fair bit to that list. I know that you do all that, and let the person to turn the back to you; but still will be able to NOT to get pissed off with the person and just be happy that you helped. I know how many people did that to you even. I just wanted to know, people probably realise whom you are and appreciate your help and support. It disturbs me that you spat that out, because its highly unlike you. You've always been a good friend to people. Truthful, honest and caring we love you for that. I miss the comfort zone that I had with you, I miss sharing every ridiculous though and incident of my day in the afternoon, I miss the good fine intellectually stimulating talks we used to have, I miss being able to read a novel and have a fine discussion over it, I miss walking on a road and being able to make a joke of every stone, pebble or a blade of grass that we might encounter on our way. I miss my friend. You are a better friend than a lover. You can give love in a way that others cannot or maybe even wouldn't. I don't see things been any different from how they're now though, things happen for a reason, just try to realize the reason. after all, you always searched for a purpose and reason in life, maybe it is to share the kindness and love you have within you...

I hope that your emotional hurricane will settle and everything will turn out to be ok soon. You just be yourself, and let people accept you for whom you are!! thats what you always said, and I know that its actually the best thing to do. True everyone has their weaknesses and everyone makes mistakes and fall sometimes. but whats important is that you learn, (which you always did..) it makes you a better person every time I suppose. that is what makes a person.. Thats what makes you THAT guy whom you are.

Love

xxx

Emotionally weird..

when I was young, I loved to stare at the sky. I always was fascinated by the millions tiny little flickering lights that hung over us. When I read and learnt about all the theories about the universe and its immense size, I used to screw my brains off trying to think in to the infinity... I used to stare up and wonder what the hell am I? Time has gone by since then, I couldn't see stars when i looked up at colombo, all u see is the orange haziness!! even here, u only can spot venus and a few other bright ones through the smog!!!.. but I still find myself wondering, what the hell am I???

Most of the time I feel weird... I look outside at everything... and i can't help thinking, what would be others seeing right now??? its weird to think that we don't see us, but we see everything else!!! The concept of the "third person view" really fascinates me... I often wish if I could jump out of my body and have a good look at my own self... as if i'm looking at another person... don't u think it'll be fascinating?? and its really really funny to think that I've seen all these people but not myself!!! its only but a reflection I've seen!!!which we can take metaphorically, that we don't see ourselves.. this in a way could be really true when think about urself and the others around u... We often are biased on anything when it comes to our own selves!! we often are never wrong... we totally disregard chunks of valid data just to prove ourselves right and even go up to extremes to make sure that people see it ourway.. totally ignoring the real facts of the situation!!! we always try to judge everyone and everything else but ourselves!!! Ever since i've noticed this, i've always tried to take a step back, and think and look at everything through... of coz its really really hard!! but I try... I think me trying to do that have given me great insight about myself. and this definitely has adjusted my way of life and thinking and reacting patterns. People tend to think I'm a bit weird and different to a "normal" person... when one of my friends told me that, I asked her "what is normal??" to which she laughed!! its strange how people standardise things.. but the sad thing is, they totally forget about humans being individuals!!! sometimes I did too wondered if what they say is true and that i've lost it or something.!! but then after thinking a bit hard I realized that they're just being human!!!!

Guess its because I'm THAT guy!!!

Well, U might ask me, why??? Of coz I didn't have to help you, no one else did!!! and in a way even YOU do not seems to be bothered about your things as much as I do!!!
So yeah... I did do it,.. but still ... why???

Coz i'm the guy who'd help you out,
I'm the guy who'd do it for u, and never expect anything from u in return,
I'm the guy who's happy that you're my friend,
I'm the guy who'd do anything to see a smile on your face,
I'm the guy you calls when you need to pour your heart out,
I'm the guy whom will be in your background always giving all the support you need,
I'm the guy who'd be there for u when u'r in trouble and in need,
I'm the guy whom finds you pretty, even when u just got out of bed,
I'm the guy who's accepted you for whom you are,
I'm the guy whom u can neglect all you want but still hang around watching and caring,
I'm the guy whom you know that will be there for you, still slip out of your mind when things are right,
I'm the guy whom you forget the moment I step out of the door,
I'm the guy who won't get pissed off coz you ditch my calls,
Coz I'm the guy who loves you and not expect it in return,

You might take me for a fool, and a fool I might be, and I'm not noble either, I do what makes me feel happy, guess it makes me that guy!!!

The next time u buy furr or furr trimmed clothing...

:(



I don't know what to say.... :(

The price they pay for a better day for us.... long live "humans!!!!"




true... maybe you'd say that most of the medication and stuff were through cruelty like this... but then again.. just put yourself in their shoes... what will happen if some super being of some sort came around and put us through experiments and shit.. you know like to find a cure for some shitty cancer that they got after smoking 50 cigarettes a day??? How would you feel???

Amma........

This came through an E mail today... I know its kinda long and it takes a bit too much effort and time... but take that effort and time to read it... its worth it...

(pls click on the image for a bigger size)

A little something for the new year....

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg."!!!!

Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"

Another year......

Well.. here we are... 2008... just like that... he he he..

since Jan 2007, I'm still not over my ex, I've resigned from my job, I'm 8000 miles away ... leaving everyone I know and love... go settled in a totally strange land.. and well.. doing good too... :) but it was wild ride... specially the leaving my job part... it was not due to having to leave for my studies... it was because of a slutty lying bitch at work who thought that I was "problem" for her career!! and a stupid enough chairman who actually bought a story that made no sense... ya whatever.... heard the accusations on the first day.. and the next day i resigner.. it was totally pointless.. thankfully i had by back up plans already in motion.. so it was ok... I left the country after that...

the worst thing was... to leave my parents and my bro's and specially my friends.. whom i spend all my free time with... and all the other comforts.. the cool income and the car... which i cannot afford anymore.. and have to rely on public transport... [which is much better than sl.. but still... :( ] but it was good change...

weird the way how I celebrated though... Frankly I didn't celebrate at all... went to the local library.. and got myself a book that i always wanted to read.. that was about it... thinking of it... i think i can see a few reasons why I just stayed in...

first... I simply was not bothered...
second... the company... I had the coolest friends back in SL.. and i never met anyone who could even match that here... of coz they're totally different..but very nice friendly people.. but.. maybe for me it takes a while to make friends... anyways... if i had some cooler company.. it might have been different...
third... hate to admit it but financial.... :P yeah well... not easy to spend in multiplications of 220 u know.. :P

but unlike any of u.. I went to places that only u can go in ur imagination.. and frankly i totally lost track of time untill i hear the fireworks... he he he..

speaking of fireworks..

i heard that at London they spend 1 million pounds for new years ever fireworks display thing...
that would be about 200 million SL rupees... now THAT is wasting... just imagine what they could've done with that money... a half of it maybe... around the world.. how much needy people are there!!!

hmmm.. well... maybe thats something we all can think of in this new year.... again.. no one will actually bother even...

anyways ppl...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope all of u will have a good one... :D

Out and About....

Finally... The headaches are over and things are settled...
Basically BT decided that they should set up the phone line and my ISP decided that its time that they hook up my connection.... now I'm all geared up and back online....

Life was a bit tough during the past.... well month and a bit... now that I have my broadband connection up and running it'll be more peaceful....

Now I really don't have to sleep at 9.00pm coz i hate starring at the TV... actually I didn't have to since I got my PC assembled... still it took some time to get the whole act together...
apart from that life was very much ok....

Uni life is good.... They have some lovely helpful nice people there... I really like the people that I have to work and study with...
course work is interesting and enjoyable, i like the facilities... overall its good....

The city... well... it really doesn't buzz like London... its much more calmer than London or to that matter some parts of Colombo.. he he... maybe I feel because its cold... anyway... they say that the city is re-inventing itself in to a more modern and trendy one... and it seems that... the new shopping malls and everything is very good.... since its related to me... fashion wise the city has a long way to go..... you really cannot say that its a very fashionable city... they have most of the high street shops and brands... but its good... i like it..... and comparatively quite cheaper than London... in that case... every were else must be cheaper than London...
still I like the people... and it is peaceful... not much of a rush... and apparently its supposed to be safe and all that...

bottom line... i like it....

Hope things in SL is good... I do miss SL.. my friends and family mostly..... and the sweet fun packed life that I used to have... he he he...

Back from the Grave.....

Well after an eternity I finally have time to sit nicely and do a bit of scribbling here....

So... I'm finally settling down and started the "normal" life. Once the stupid ISP fix my internet everything will be normal.

Its not easy to come in to a strange land make your self at home... I mean... home is home and it cannot be replaced I suppose... but I like it here... I miss all my friends, my parents, being able to drive around whenever I want and having enough cash to spend whenever I want to on whatever I want... living on a student budjet in a country that has a very strong currency is not easy you know!! anyway.. fuck that.. I'm here and I need to make the most of it...

Uni has started and has been going on for the last few weeks. There was alot of things to be done since I joined in to the second year straight... so that is why I didnt have much time to read or write... Actually even now its the lunch brake... and since I'm not in my usual group today I finished lunch sooner than usual!! and found out that I have about twenty minutes to spare and there are actually a few unoccupied PCs in the IT center... so here I am.. after almost a month... yeah... its a full month for today since I left SL.... gosh i miss the weather... warm sunny weather...
Anyways... hi to all you guys... hopefully you've not forgotten me.... and I should tell you that it feels good to be back... he he he...

What I'm gonna miss.....

Everything about Sri Lanka.... EVERYTIHING.....

but if i had to make a list....

my mom and dad....
All my friends.....
My PC...
Buying all the new games and movies for 200 rupees.....
The comfort of being at home....
Coffee stop...
Running to Pilawoos at 2.00 AM with a friend....
and many more...

and if you're wondering why i'm gonna miss those.. well I came to Birmingham UK. I'll be staying here for a while....

The long story short....

...and now I'm an uncle!! :-)

and its all thanks to this tiny creature... :-)

this my friends is my little nephew, the newest member of our family. He came in to this world at 9.11 PM yesterday and he weighed 2.920 Kilos. A healthy little boy.

Look at him... only 10hrs old!! tiny and pink!!! :-) We've not thought of a name as yet... coz there are alot of "things" involved in naming a new born!! like choosing the first letter according to the astronomical whatever thing!!!! anyways.. I'll let u guys know the moment we decide...

New year...

Yay.... a week long holiday!!! The longest that we ever get!!!

From tomorrow till the 18th!!!! :-)

and from my younger days it used to be my fav holiday!!! you know the school term holidays... A time of refreshment and life... It was exciting all around...

Now the spirit is not there anymore... The freshnes is still in the air but its not as fun as it used to be!! Maybe its for the little ones only... not for people of our age!!!!

still its new year.... Wish you all a Happy New Year!!!!

Is it too early to think of it???

In one of the previous posts I told you ppl that both my parents retired by the end of last year!!! and then they both caugth the wretched chickungunya thing!!! That was hell... it is still hell coz it effected both of them VERY badly... they couldn't walk properly coz of of the joint pains!!! me and my bro's actually took turns in going up to kandy to be with them and look after them... it was not easy... with work and all.... but we did what we could... but to be honest i don't feel like i've done anything at all!!! I don't feel like i've done enough!!!

Anyway... when their health went down and leaft them helpless..... if effected their minds VERY badly... imagine working straight on for more than 30years day and night.. having millions of responsibilities... being under pressure... and all of a sudden not doing much work... being at home... three years ago I would've thought "Hell now THAT is life!!!" but... being more or less a work o holic... and being used to having a million of problems and pressure... and liking all that.... I know how diffi it must be!!! I'm sure that they must be feeling like nothings... they must be feeling as if they're not important anymore!! specially with the Sri Lankan ways where no one has any regards for the elderly people in society...
And I can see that they're REALLY missing work!!! They miss being important, they miss doing what they did best in their whole life...

Like I told you before my mom was teacher... She taught in Mahamaya girl's school Kandy... two weeks ago I had to drive her their because she had somethings to do at the school... It was the first time she went back since her retirement.... I needed some help from one of the teachers there for an assignment so I also went in to the staff room with her!!!!
My mom was back where she belonged, with her friends and the children!!! I could see how happy she was just to be there!!!! It was like she had forgotten all her pains and aches and sicknesses!!! She even looked younger!!!

I felt something complicated!!! I automatically started thinking how and where I'd end at!!!! is it too early to think of that?? or is it never too early to think of it???

Looooooooooong busy week end...

Friday Night...

Well i started from Kandy on Friday.. came to office at around 2.00PM.

The plans were made during the day time to go out with some of my friends. We got together and went to R&B at around 11.00PM. For me thats one of the cooles night clubs in Colombo... its more matured like... cool crowd and nice music. We had mega fun dancing till about 3.30 a.m.....

Then out we came and some of us were feeling hugry... and yes... you guessed right... where else to go but to pillawoos... We hopped in to Chathu's car... and headed towards Kolpetty....

On our way we were stopped by police for a routine check... and then came the "Oh Shit!!" situ... My friend's sister didn't have her ID with her!!! The scene got ugly when one of my buddies got a biiiit violent and said something that "annoyed" the cops... What happened after that was pretty bad... she immediately turned out to be a pros in the eyes of the cops... they said a few things that they really shouldn't have... but at the perticular moment.... under those circusmstances it was inevitable... I basically had to calm everything down (being the eldest and the sober one out of the bunch!!) and talk my way thorugh in to letting us go... It wasn't hard actually but what that poor girl had to go through because of some loud mouthed idiotic cops was bad... she was upset... we all were upset and it basically killed the mood.....
we had tea... headed back home...

Saturday.

Woke up at 9.00 a.m as I had and exam in the after noon.... so got up... got myself in the "exammination" mood... and then headed to the exam hall by 11.30... finished the exam at around 4.30 pm and from there went straight up to Rajagiriya.... why?? to meet ma good friend chathu and with him to see the "Modified car fest" in battaramulla....

Now that was one hell of a show... in SL standards... there were some classy shit there... a couple of supra's caught my immediate attention... nice sexy looking Honda civics... some RX8s with sexy curves.. STis that were dying to jump in to the roads and run like mad dogs... Mitsubish's who was ready kick the guts out of anyone who wanted to challege them...
It was awsome... and there we were... in Chathu's custom made Mustang... creating quite a scene there... we never entered the contests... It really didn't interest us.. but we did enjoy walking around listenning to the baby's purr here and there... checking out the neons'... music systems blah blah blah... and yo... not to forget the ONLY other muscle car... i think it was a 7 sri Toyota Corona hatch back... two head lights... nickle trimms etc... looked good... nice to see some muscle spirit spreading.... he he he...

We loafed around in that place till about 9.00 and right before the rain we headed back home... i mean to his place...

And then it started.... and yeah... it was a massive rain... it basically rained cats and dogs and kittens and puppies.... massive rain... and i fell asleep in a cosy couch.... woke up next morning to see aunty holding a cup of tea!!!!

Sunday...

There was a celebration on... Chris's birthday... we stormed his place... gate crashed that buggers house... ate his lunch and knocked ourselves out... by 7.00 P.m we were all set to go to Parliment grounds to pay a little visit to the giant screen....

And it was massive... a sea of crowd... cheering the SL team... the screen gave a little bit of problems in the begining but they managed to fix it... after that it was super... it was good... great sounds better... I really think SLRC deserves a pat in the back for setting that mega screen there... coz it was more like actually being at the ground itself... with hundreds of people shouting and cheering... papara bands playing all over... it was awsome... we had a really nice time wathcing a really nice bit of Cricket...

And we won!!!... as everyone knows by now... I returned to Chatu's place... and then the discussion started... what did the two of us talked about??... alot of things... how long did it last??? till 6.00 am.... sleep... well.. yeah... we were yet to think of it...

Monday.
I returned home by 11.30 am... (my boarding place!!) slept my ass out after cleaning my room... woke up at 7.00 p.m.... had dinner!! played a little bit of computer games.... and decided that I need to sleep...
But it was too warm!!! I was sweating as if was in Sahara or something.... Then again a friend of mine called... well the same guy whom i've been hanging out with.... said he was somewhere near my boarding... so... got dressed... went for a ride.... ended up on some river bank near Pita kotte.... it was a nice serene place... with the moon on top of us... we had time for another very good constructive discussion..... it was very nice.... and headed back home at around 2.00 am...

Now that was a LOOOOOOOONG busy weekend!!!!!

What is really important???

It’s truly amazing how life works… How the values that you give to things swing like a pendulum… one day it’s the most important thing that you could ever have and the next it’s THE worse thing that ever happened to you... and how we cannot find the balance in between...

The question rises… are we giving the correct value to things??? What is the most important thing in your life?? Have you ever questioned yourself that?? Life can consist of so many things… your studies; your parents and family; your career; your friends; your relations; your love; your future plans; entertainment… each deserving equal amount of attention!!! But what do we do??? We cling on to only a few of them… forgetting and neglecting the others… not knowing or understanding what we’re missing...

We cling on to a love… as if it’s the only thing in life… we go against our parents breaking their hearts and creating huge problems in their lives.

Sometimes we cling on to a love we lost… neglecting our careers, wasting life, time and our self…. Where as the truth is that we’ve lost only one of the important things in our life… without realizing that we waste our time; neglecting the other factors.

After some time… you stop to think and only to realize that you’ve missed out some of the most important things in life…

I say that its lack of vision and being naïve to do that… life is far too much to be focused only one thing… and to loose everything else…

Its easier said... Much harder to go through.... but truth remains as an unchanging fact... it's one of the few things thats important in your life...