A note from my ex....

Dear Thack,

I hope you're doing well. Its weird how we all start a written message or a mail with that statement... Since I know you well, I know that to everyone's eye you must be "doing well"... Then again I know your fluctuating moods.
I think I know you well enough to say that you're bugged with something... Of coz unlike most other people I know, instead of your face and your words, your published work has always been the reflection of your inner self. and even that is not straight forward!! You always hide your emotions in a cyclone of (almost) irrelevant words within your work. I should say that it was nearly impossible for me to read you most of the time, but then again, you always managed to show what exactly you wanted others to read, and then maybe sometimes you decided against it ended up confusing your reader again with something else... it was interesting and frustrating at the same time...

Ok, leave that bit for the time being. I'm good. Life is going on as it could and I'm living a purposeful life. I have my targets to cover, and I have dreams that I pursue and I enjoy on my way. True its not easy, but its my believe that it couldn't have happened any other way. I know that the we all think from time to time that we could've had a better life. True... we could've; or we could've not!!! as you always expected, my honest answer will be, no one would know!!! But looking at a chain of events in my recent years, I'd say things happen for a reason, and its almost impossible for it to happen otherwise. Both you and I through our experience know that we make the best choice that we could make at the given point; which leads us to the present. The choice of course is always the killer I suppose. So yeah, we made our choices in the past and our paths have being lead by them to the present.

Shifting the focus back to you my friend; (well I'll happily call you my friend still because you are. I found the best of friends in you before everything turned in to a beautiful relationship which followed by a complicated mess!) I'm not happy that you're still lingering in your past. It'll be partly my fault, since I know your weaknesses maybe I should step completely away, so that you will not be reminded of and start reliving your past. You were a good friend who helped me through my life, being there through each and every step sharing. and I'm quite sure that you still are the nice helpful dude I used to know. It was your weakness and your strength. I know how careful you are in your relationships and how you try to manage each and everything in your relationships. Even though I still strongly disagree with your way; I still believe that you always had the reasons to act the way you did; which you could always explain in great detail and it always made sense!! After all, you are the kind of person who'd take a fall instead of hurting even your enemy. in that way you're a bit weak I think, but again I know you'd face the fall directly, and be happy about how you managed to keep your cool and how much the other person needed that, making you stronger than anyone who'd just face things with anger or rage. You always said that if you think you understand better than the others, then its you would do things that other people might think crazy, weird or even kissing ass!!!

Which of course makes you "that" guy!! :P (of course you knew where this is heading to didn't you??) Probably that was the first time I've seen you pouring yourself out like that. I thank you and appreciate you for the person you are. Even though you being "that guy" did actually caused a lot "problems" in the last bit of our life, it is whom you are!!! I don't think you can help it even if you tried to. and I know for a fact that you help or be there for people who deserve/ need it. I don't know where the note/ Blog post was aimed to. Maybe it was just self realisation or it was meant to go to someone specific or it was just aimed at your past. as for
Self realization–well you probably knew yourself before that writing, and I know that you hardly spit things out for the person whom you'd reach out to read. You'd probably wait for them to realise or simply be a very honest and say it to the face. If its aimed at your past. well, I never too you for a fool but there was a point that I thought you (are)were extremely selfish!!! I'm sorry that I'm trying to analyse your action right now, but I'm just trying your methods I guess!! (and yep, I still hate the fact that you always had to analyse each and every thing in a relationship... Oh how much I hated it when you'd sit back, take a few seconds with a blank face to think, i could see the chain of thoughts running on head head!!!! I still say that sometime you SHOULD let things happen and leave the analysing out!!!) anyway, back to the topic, You are that guy, and I could relate and even add a fair bit to that list. I know that you do all that, and let the person to turn the back to you; but still will be able to NOT to get pissed off with the person and just be happy that you helped. I know how many people did that to you even. I just wanted to know, people probably realise whom you are and appreciate your help and support. It disturbs me that you spat that out, because its highly unlike you. You've always been a good friend to people. Truthful, honest and caring we love you for that. I miss the comfort zone that I had with you, I miss sharing every ridiculous though and incident of my day in the afternoon, I miss the good fine intellectually stimulating talks we used to have, I miss being able to read a novel and have a fine discussion over it, I miss walking on a road and being able to make a joke of every stone, pebble or a blade of grass that we might encounter on our way. I miss my friend. You are a better friend than a lover. You can give love in a way that others cannot or maybe even wouldn't. I don't see things been any different from how they're now though, things happen for a reason, just try to realize the reason. after all, you always searched for a purpose and reason in life, maybe it is to share the kindness and love you have within you...

I hope that your emotional hurricane will settle and everything will turn out to be ok soon. You just be yourself, and let people accept you for whom you are!! thats what you always said, and I know that its actually the best thing to do. True everyone has their weaknesses and everyone makes mistakes and fall sometimes. but whats important is that you learn, (which you always did..) it makes you a better person every time I suppose. that is what makes a person.. Thats what makes you THAT guy whom you are.

Love

xxx