Thackshila you stupid A$$!!!

I was out in the city today, with my friend, and her two friends who joined us later. So I was out with three pretty girls.
We had lunch and then we headed towards the Bull ring, the main shopping area of Birmingham. We all walked through the crowd, the girls were deeply involved in one of there girly talks about a the last weekend partying session. and I was just going with the flow but not really being able to relate to the conversation. I suck at verbal communication when it comes to stuff like that anyways, being a bit "socially backwards" I like to keep me to myself and well maybe my PC!!!!. Either way, them three were talking about something and I was walking with them in the crowd. It was an ok day, not very warm, but still sunny. the roof of the bull ring is something that I always loved, Its full transparent and the sun comes and floods the whole interior. I think the building is like four stories or something. So anyways i was walking through the crowd and thinking that its a good location for a spider man action sequence. I mean its tall enough for him to swing around, the transparent roof will be awesome. of coz ppl could scream and run around and probably we can place MJ strategically to make it all interesting.. Specially since both the top and bottom level can be accessed as a "ground level" (if that made sense!!! what i mean to say is that its build in a slope kinda land so both the top level and the ground (or the last level) can be accessed as it was a ground floor of a normal building!!! very much like the crescat for the [SL buggers.])
so I was like all having a good fine bit of action between spidy and the villains in my own imagination land while the girls were at their own talk!!! all of sudden my friend stop turn at me
says "Thack this is the ladies!! (or something similar!!) it took me a while to realize that she was talking to me and snap back from my own world, then another moment to realize that i've actually walked in to the ladies loo area behind them!!!
Thankfully, it was only the lounge sorta area in the ladies toilets not the actual loo itself, but still it was bad enough.. specially it being me!!! I dont quite remember how or what i did., i remember some women staring at me... i think i managed to excuse and apologize and pretend that i thought the gents loo was somewhere around or something.. but bottom line, I made a total fucking ass out of myself!!
I mean come on!!! what the hell!!! I know I can be a bit nerdy and geeky.. and get stuck in my own thoughts and world quite often and act like a mindless prick!!! I often get lost in various characters and fights while I'm walking around every now and then.. but this is like bad... fucking embarrassing!!! |LOL... surely them girls must be thinking I'm a real nut job... LOL.. not that that its wrong.. its just.. errr.. fucking retarded.
Now this doesn't mean that i'm gonna change and not to think about a good bit of action sequence when i'm walking about... Its insane i can't change LOL!! but I need to be a wee bit focused when I'm with others I guess.. I'm so used to the idea of being by me self, and my buddies in SL who actually were a bit like me and the auto-pilot modes that takes me to places, eitherway... Its a mess.. LOL.. damn.. embarrassment!!! shit.. much much worse than the time i was walking while reading a book and bumped on to a lamp post and broke my glasses!!!! shit!!! Next time girls, just shoot me or just push me in front of a speeding truck or something!!!

bit of drama!!!

Hey...

Hi...

You're the guy who did that exhibition last weekend at the gallery right??

Yeah...

Brilliant... It was really interesting.... Loved your work...

Thanks..

Umm... I know that this is out of the blue... but do u see that girl over there in the red top??

which one?? The one with short hair??

yeah.. she's my good friend... and she really fancies you...

Oh.. !!!!

yeah!!!..

OH.. well.. erm.. well.. I'm not available..

OH.. well... too bad i guess... are you in a relationship??

No.. well.. not exactly.. I am.. but.. err.. well,.. I'm gay...

OH!!! ok then..

Love Story.

She met him, she said hi!!!
He saw her, he felt complete,

She made a friend, different from others,
He found a good friend, special from others.

She was heart broken, Her world darkened,
He saw her crying, His heart was shattered!!!

She was lost, her thoughts confused,
He said he'd be there for her, to help and guide her along.

She fell in love, Her heart filled with joy,
He smiled, he was happy for her.

"We're getting married"!!, her eyes gleamed with joy.
He hugged her, "congratulations" he whispered!!

"yes I do"!, she said in front of god,
He stood in the crowd, his eyes filled with tears,
"all the best my friend" he whispered to himself...

A note from my ex....

Dear Thack,

I hope you're doing well. Its weird how we all start a written message or a mail with that statement... Since I know you well, I know that to everyone's eye you must be "doing well"... Then again I know your fluctuating moods.
I think I know you well enough to say that you're bugged with something... Of coz unlike most other people I know, instead of your face and your words, your published work has always been the reflection of your inner self. and even that is not straight forward!! You always hide your emotions in a cyclone of (almost) irrelevant words within your work. I should say that it was nearly impossible for me to read you most of the time, but then again, you always managed to show what exactly you wanted others to read, and then maybe sometimes you decided against it ended up confusing your reader again with something else... it was interesting and frustrating at the same time...

Ok, leave that bit for the time being. I'm good. Life is going on as it could and I'm living a purposeful life. I have my targets to cover, and I have dreams that I pursue and I enjoy on my way. True its not easy, but its my believe that it couldn't have happened any other way. I know that the we all think from time to time that we could've had a better life. True... we could've; or we could've not!!! as you always expected, my honest answer will be, no one would know!!! But looking at a chain of events in my recent years, I'd say things happen for a reason, and its almost impossible for it to happen otherwise. Both you and I through our experience know that we make the best choice that we could make at the given point; which leads us to the present. The choice of course is always the killer I suppose. So yeah, we made our choices in the past and our paths have being lead by them to the present.

Shifting the focus back to you my friend; (well I'll happily call you my friend still because you are. I found the best of friends in you before everything turned in to a beautiful relationship which followed by a complicated mess!) I'm not happy that you're still lingering in your past. It'll be partly my fault, since I know your weaknesses maybe I should step completely away, so that you will not be reminded of and start reliving your past. You were a good friend who helped me through my life, being there through each and every step sharing. and I'm quite sure that you still are the nice helpful dude I used to know. It was your weakness and your strength. I know how careful you are in your relationships and how you try to manage each and everything in your relationships. Even though I still strongly disagree with your way; I still believe that you always had the reasons to act the way you did; which you could always explain in great detail and it always made sense!! After all, you are the kind of person who'd take a fall instead of hurting even your enemy. in that way you're a bit weak I think, but again I know you'd face the fall directly, and be happy about how you managed to keep your cool and how much the other person needed that, making you stronger than anyone who'd just face things with anger or rage. You always said that if you think you understand better than the others, then its you would do things that other people might think crazy, weird or even kissing ass!!!

Which of course makes you "that" guy!! :P (of course you knew where this is heading to didn't you??) Probably that was the first time I've seen you pouring yourself out like that. I thank you and appreciate you for the person you are. Even though you being "that guy" did actually caused a lot "problems" in the last bit of our life, it is whom you are!!! I don't think you can help it even if you tried to. and I know for a fact that you help or be there for people who deserve/ need it. I don't know where the note/ Blog post was aimed to. Maybe it was just self realisation or it was meant to go to someone specific or it was just aimed at your past. as for
Self realization–well you probably knew yourself before that writing, and I know that you hardly spit things out for the person whom you'd reach out to read. You'd probably wait for them to realise or simply be a very honest and say it to the face. If its aimed at your past. well, I never too you for a fool but there was a point that I thought you (are)were extremely selfish!!! I'm sorry that I'm trying to analyse your action right now, but I'm just trying your methods I guess!! (and yep, I still hate the fact that you always had to analyse each and every thing in a relationship... Oh how much I hated it when you'd sit back, take a few seconds with a blank face to think, i could see the chain of thoughts running on head head!!!! I still say that sometime you SHOULD let things happen and leave the analysing out!!!) anyway, back to the topic, You are that guy, and I could relate and even add a fair bit to that list. I know that you do all that, and let the person to turn the back to you; but still will be able to NOT to get pissed off with the person and just be happy that you helped. I know how many people did that to you even. I just wanted to know, people probably realise whom you are and appreciate your help and support. It disturbs me that you spat that out, because its highly unlike you. You've always been a good friend to people. Truthful, honest and caring we love you for that. I miss the comfort zone that I had with you, I miss sharing every ridiculous though and incident of my day in the afternoon, I miss the good fine intellectually stimulating talks we used to have, I miss being able to read a novel and have a fine discussion over it, I miss walking on a road and being able to make a joke of every stone, pebble or a blade of grass that we might encounter on our way. I miss my friend. You are a better friend than a lover. You can give love in a way that others cannot or maybe even wouldn't. I don't see things been any different from how they're now though, things happen for a reason, just try to realize the reason. after all, you always searched for a purpose and reason in life, maybe it is to share the kindness and love you have within you...

I hope that your emotional hurricane will settle and everything will turn out to be ok soon. You just be yourself, and let people accept you for whom you are!! thats what you always said, and I know that its actually the best thing to do. True everyone has their weaknesses and everyone makes mistakes and fall sometimes. but whats important is that you learn, (which you always did..) it makes you a better person every time I suppose. that is what makes a person.. Thats what makes you THAT guy whom you are.

Love

xxx

Emotionally weird..

when I was young, I loved to stare at the sky. I always was fascinated by the millions tiny little flickering lights that hung over us. When I read and learnt about all the theories about the universe and its immense size, I used to screw my brains off trying to think in to the infinity... I used to stare up and wonder what the hell am I? Time has gone by since then, I couldn't see stars when i looked up at colombo, all u see is the orange haziness!! even here, u only can spot venus and a few other bright ones through the smog!!!.. but I still find myself wondering, what the hell am I???

Most of the time I feel weird... I look outside at everything... and i can't help thinking, what would be others seeing right now??? its weird to think that we don't see us, but we see everything else!!! The concept of the "third person view" really fascinates me... I often wish if I could jump out of my body and have a good look at my own self... as if i'm looking at another person... don't u think it'll be fascinating?? and its really really funny to think that I've seen all these people but not myself!!! its only but a reflection I've seen!!!which we can take metaphorically, that we don't see ourselves.. this in a way could be really true when think about urself and the others around u... We often are biased on anything when it comes to our own selves!! we often are never wrong... we totally disregard chunks of valid data just to prove ourselves right and even go up to extremes to make sure that people see it ourway.. totally ignoring the real facts of the situation!!! we always try to judge everyone and everything else but ourselves!!! Ever since i've noticed this, i've always tried to take a step back, and think and look at everything through... of coz its really really hard!! but I try... I think me trying to do that have given me great insight about myself. and this definitely has adjusted my way of life and thinking and reacting patterns. People tend to think I'm a bit weird and different to a "normal" person... when one of my friends told me that, I asked her "what is normal??" to which she laughed!! its strange how people standardise things.. but the sad thing is, they totally forget about humans being individuals!!! sometimes I did too wondered if what they say is true and that i've lost it or something.!! but then after thinking a bit hard I realized that they're just being human!!!!

Guess its because I'm THAT guy!!!

Well, U might ask me, why??? Of coz I didn't have to help you, no one else did!!! and in a way even YOU do not seems to be bothered about your things as much as I do!!!
So yeah... I did do it,.. but still ... why???

Coz i'm the guy who'd help you out,
I'm the guy who'd do it for u, and never expect anything from u in return,
I'm the guy who's happy that you're my friend,
I'm the guy who'd do anything to see a smile on your face,
I'm the guy you calls when you need to pour your heart out,
I'm the guy whom will be in your background always giving all the support you need,
I'm the guy who'd be there for u when u'r in trouble and in need,
I'm the guy whom finds you pretty, even when u just got out of bed,
I'm the guy who's accepted you for whom you are,
I'm the guy whom u can neglect all you want but still hang around watching and caring,
I'm the guy whom you know that will be there for you, still slip out of your mind when things are right,
I'm the guy whom you forget the moment I step out of the door,
I'm the guy who won't get pissed off coz you ditch my calls,
Coz I'm the guy who loves you and not expect it in return,

You might take me for a fool, and a fool I might be, and I'm not noble either, I do what makes me feel happy, guess it makes me that guy!!!

randomly bored.. or maybe just bored!!!...

Its been a weirdly long time since I've posted anything at all here.. of coz there was that last post but that was more like an advertisement!!! LOL..

my blog is becoming quite a crappy random collection of writings i've done in various moods.. well.. fuck it.. I can' be bothered!!!

anyways... its 2.00 AM, I've come back from work a few hours ago, and tried to work on an assignment.. which of coz didn't quite work and ended up browsing around aimlessly....

life, recently has been weird.. for about four five months my life was a routine.. uni - work - uni - work, i left home at a certain time, took the same bus in the morning, same bus in the night back home... i never was a creature of habbits as such. I always kept things quite random and I liked it.. but I noticed that i've really got in to a weirdly boring routine!!!!

Human interaction too has gone down quite significantly... I've hardly gone out with friends... actually I've begun to stick only a very few good friend(S)... of coz i've kept myself busy with online friends... what i'm talking about it physically going out with friends...

anyways.. i'm trying to break away from it.. otherwise i'll end up being a real boring piece of shit!!! which i think i am already.. my communication skills are going down rapidly!! probably because i hardly talk to anyone...

Anyways... I'm creativity too seems to suffer a bit from all this imbalance... not just drawing and painting but coming up with new ideas.... i seems to have lost my old touch and become a bit stale in that department...

hmmm...

Anyways... I got to break free!!! Thats a good place to start.. I'll start with listening to Freddie!!!