Linger...

She stopped the rapid punching on the keyboard, stretched her arms lazily and glanced at her wrist watch, leaned back in her seat and let out a sigh.

“It’s almost six o’clock on the Saturday afternoon and I’m still at office working!!! How pathetic can life be?”

She muttered to her self and glanced back at the Computer Screen in front of her.

She was a fair skinned girl who was around 26. Not one of those whom you’d call a “stunning” looking; but her narrow dark brown eyes that always seems to be gleaming, and the narrow lips that looks as if she is smiling even when she wants to frown and her well maintained black silky straight hair; her nice figure, the way she carried and presented herself with self esteem made sure that someone’s eyes were always following her.

She raised her head and looked around the office. The well lit room around her was almost empty. The leaves of the small palm tree were waving un-rhythmically as usual to the wind that was constantly blowing from the air conditioner vent.

“It’s getting a bit too cold now…” she thought while trying to look through the thick blinds that cover the windows of the room. Even though she really couldn’t see it she could feel the gloominess of the rain that was pouring outside. Once in a while she could see the flash of lightening lighting up the whole curtain and then feel the small rumble of thunder that followed it almost immediately….

“Crap!! How on earth am I gonna go now? In this wicked rain!”

She looked around the office room again feeling a little helpless and depressed inside. Across her cubicle she could see a co worker tapping on his keyboard constantly, with a desperate and an exhausted look clouding his face as his gaze fixed on the monitor.

Her eyes left him and started moving around the office room. This time noticing that even with the very well looked after white colored walls and the countless number of lights fixed on the ceiling there was some sort of gloominess covering the room…

She turned her head slightly…. another person came in to her view…. she felt a warm pleasant feeling surfacing out of nowhere…. A faint hint of a smile befell across her face.

She continued to stare at him for a few seconds. His untidy overgrown hair, his own peculiar dress sense… an off white “Ethical” shirt as he called it, (when everyone would call it a Kurutha top) and a worn out pair of black jeans and a small bead necklace around his neck slightly visible; he looked like some sort of an eastern artist. She could see his bare feet horizontally under his neatly kept broad table, using a small corrugated box as a foot rest!!!

“This man is crazy”… she thought….

She focused on his face again… noticing how blank the expressions were… “Well it’s a while since anyone saw him in his true jovial spirits” she thought to herself….

She looked at his eyes… the eyes that used to radiate happiness and love… they were looking at the computer screen…. She could see the vibrant colors from the reflections of the screen playing on his square spectacles; But the gaze laid somewhere way beyond the screen itself…

She removed the headphones from her ears…. She could still faintly hear Andrea Corr asking someone to leave her breathless….

She could hear the constant blowing sound from the air conditioner… and…. A humming sound… yeah... he was humming all right… still gazing at some distant horizon unaware that she was watching him…

She listened in carefully… trying to figure out what the song was… “Cant be one of his usual songs that sounds like an aged rattling truck going out of control down on a steep bumpy hill!!”

She listened hard…. The tunes were familiar…. And… Bingo!!!!

She continued to stare in bewilderment…. She did recognize the song… she could not make a mistake on this one… “Sihina Lowak Dutuwa Mathakaii” she could almost hear the voice of Clarence singing one of her heartfelt tracks…

She looked around the office room…. Her co-worker still busy with his things… she slowly picked up her mobile phone…

“You’re thinking about her. Aren’t you??” the letters materialized on the small screen as she kept on punching the keys rapidly… she hesitated for a second before hitting the key to send it… then pressed the key….

“Message delivered” the screen displayed…. And she could hear the faint rumbling sound from his table…

She slowly turned towards her computer screen… thinking about him… remembering the times when this joyful man who radiated a lot of love and happiness at the office turned in to the quiet man who tried to cover an afflict that has slowly devoured him…

“An year?? Yeah… almost an year…”

She turned her head slowly and looked at him again… His empty gaze has broken… he was slowly picked up the phone… she could see him punching a few keys… a hint of a faint smile stretched across his lips…

She turned her head quickly and continued to stare at her screen….

Her phone beeped… without looking at him she picked up the phone….

“J well… wrong music and the wrong time I suppose!” She frowned.

“GOD! Why does this man talk like this?? Can’t he converse normally? Is it that hard?” She could feel herself getting annoyed… but she knew exactly what he meant… She knew that the root of the annoyance that was building in her was not his language.

“So you are??… Right?” she typed in again and sent it without thinking twice... and put on her headphone again…

“I’m feeling nervous; trying to be so perfect; Coz I know you’re worth it; yeah………… If I can say what I want to want to say….” Avril Lavigne was singing… she touched the mouse but decided that she doesn’t want to skip this track…

The phone beeped again…

“Guess I am… to be frank I’m always thinking of her... I miss her a lot you know!!!”

She slowly let out a sigh…. Thought for a moment and started typing;

“Hey come on now… don’t be so hard on yourself… It’ll be fine. I know that it’s difficult, but life is that. Come now; please at least change the music. You’re making it hard for yourself”

Another beep. She looked at her mobile phone screen. “Oh this man!!!” she thought to herself and selected ‘Reply’ from the menu.

“Come now. You’re a nice caring person. True that things went wrong. That happens. It doesn’t mean that you should be suffering like that. You’re my good friend and it hurts to see you like that. The past is the past. There is no point holding on to it. Face the reality! Leave the past behind. You’re still there. This worries me a lot. Its time you move forward.”

It took a bit longer than to others to the “Message Delivered” to come up on the screen.

She slightly turned and looked at him from the corner of her eyes. She could see his fingers moving fast on the keypad of his mobile phone.

Beep…

“Well maybe… Do you think that I’m enjoying being hurt? Do think that I don’t want out of this? I’m trying to… maybe it’s just that I need some time to get over it. But till I have a present to hold on to and a future to dream and plan about I’d be holding (or stuck) on to this past. I think that’s the human nature… It’s not like closing another deal; a deal that has gone wrong…I am in love with her… What can I do? I wish that there was a delete key where I could press. So that I can forget just like that”

Another sigh….

Well… maybe you are right… there is nothing you can do until you’re ready and willing to give up… Why can’t this man see that he’s doing nothing but wasting time? It’s time that he moves on god damn it! She thought to herself.

She stared blankly at the mobile phone screen for another few seconds wondering how to reply… not wanting to say the wrong thing and upset him even more… she leaned back and shifted her gaze to the thick white blinds that obstructed her from seeing the downpour outside; listening to Avril Lavign ending her song.

“Guess I’m wishing my life away... with these things I’ll never say…These things I’ll never say!”

Thackshila

20^th November 2006