Emotionally weird..

when I was young, I loved to stare at the sky. I always was fascinated by the millions tiny little flickering lights that hung over us. When I read and learnt about all the theories about the universe and its immense size, I used to screw my brains off trying to think in to the infinity... I used to stare up and wonder what the hell am I? Time has gone by since then, I couldn't see stars when i looked up at colombo, all u see is the orange haziness!! even here, u only can spot venus and a few other bright ones through the smog!!!.. but I still find myself wondering, what the hell am I???

Most of the time I feel weird... I look outside at everything... and i can't help thinking, what would be others seeing right now??? its weird to think that we don't see us, but we see everything else!!! The concept of the "third person view" really fascinates me... I often wish if I could jump out of my body and have a good look at my own self... as if i'm looking at another person... don't u think it'll be fascinating?? and its really really funny to think that I've seen all these people but not myself!!! its only but a reflection I've seen!!!which we can take metaphorically, that we don't see ourselves.. this in a way could be really true when think about urself and the others around u... We often are biased on anything when it comes to our own selves!! we often are never wrong... we totally disregard chunks of valid data just to prove ourselves right and even go up to extremes to make sure that people see it ourway.. totally ignoring the real facts of the situation!!! we always try to judge everyone and everything else but ourselves!!! Ever since i've noticed this, i've always tried to take a step back, and think and look at everything through... of coz its really really hard!! but I try... I think me trying to do that have given me great insight about myself. and this definitely has adjusted my way of life and thinking and reacting patterns. People tend to think I'm a bit weird and different to a "normal" person... when one of my friends told me that, I asked her "what is normal??" to which she laughed!! its strange how people standardise things.. but the sad thing is, they totally forget about humans being individuals!!! sometimes I did too wondered if what they say is true and that i've lost it or something.!! but then after thinking a bit hard I realized that they're just being human!!!!

Oh well.. back again...

well.. its been a while... as usual, same excuse.. was too busy to jot down a few words here... the funny thing about time is that we're always running out of it.. :S what to do... ??... above all i think my time management is horrible... and i'm kinda slow doing things too... :S

Life right now is SOOOOOO boring for me... its the same cycle repeating over and over again.. my whole world is limited to the Uni, Work, Librarry and some occassional visits to the city to look for something... The worst part is that I don't have much time for gaming even... I'm trying to squeeze in COD4 in to that... but barely making it...

but things can get slightly better now, since its easter hols... thank god for that... :)

Oh BTW - I got myself a Wacom Intuos 3, A5 wide one... cost all that I had (yep i'm poor!!!) but its all worth it... :)

anyways... need to get back to do some stuff now... have some illustrations to do...

Another year......

Well.. here we are... 2008... just like that... he he he..

since Jan 2007, I'm still not over my ex, I've resigned from my job, I'm 8000 miles away ... leaving everyone I know and love... go settled in a totally strange land.. and well.. doing good too... :) but it was wild ride... specially the leaving my job part... it was not due to having to leave for my studies... it was because of a slutty lying bitch at work who thought that I was "problem" for her career!! and a stupid enough chairman who actually bought a story that made no sense... ya whatever.... heard the accusations on the first day.. and the next day i resigner.. it was totally pointless.. thankfully i had by back up plans already in motion.. so it was ok... I left the country after that...

the worst thing was... to leave my parents and my bro's and specially my friends.. whom i spend all my free time with... and all the other comforts.. the cool income and the car... which i cannot afford anymore.. and have to rely on public transport... [which is much better than sl.. but still... :( ] but it was good change...

weird the way how I celebrated though... Frankly I didn't celebrate at all... went to the local library.. and got myself a book that i always wanted to read.. that was about it... thinking of it... i think i can see a few reasons why I just stayed in...

first... I simply was not bothered...
second... the company... I had the coolest friends back in SL.. and i never met anyone who could even match that here... of coz they're totally different..but very nice friendly people.. but.. maybe for me it takes a while to make friends... anyways... if i had some cooler company.. it might have been different...
third... hate to admit it but financial.... :P yeah well... not easy to spend in multiplications of 220 u know.. :P

but unlike any of u.. I went to places that only u can go in ur imagination.. and frankly i totally lost track of time untill i hear the fireworks... he he he..

speaking of fireworks..

i heard that at London they spend 1 million pounds for new years ever fireworks display thing...
that would be about 200 million SL rupees... now THAT is wasting... just imagine what they could've done with that money... a half of it maybe... around the world.. how much needy people are there!!!

hmmm.. well... maybe thats something we all can think of in this new year.... again.. no one will actually bother even...

anyways ppl...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope all of u will have a good one... :D

with my ass on a nice comfy chair.... ;-)

I was not in for sometime... was out on some uni work.... i took a bit too long come back.. and kinda ironic time too...

Interesting reply from Mr. Annon for my previous post... Specially the the second comment "(b) ...sitting on your arse in a comfy chair in a place that is not a warzone..."
Yeah probably I'm not in a warzone!!! My father was raised in Kantale... not very far from Trincomalee. We used to own paddy fields in there that provided us with rice that contributed for our financial part in life... we still have some relations over at Kantale... My father was the AGA for Trincomalee in around 85-86 when the terrorist problems. (he was the only man who had the balls to go there and serve the ppl... all other pussy's refused to go!!!!
Once the LTTE came in to his official quarters.. and we had to see them pointing a gun to his chest!!!! well.. we were lucky enough not to loose our father... they only took our vehicle...
of coz he was the provider of the family and if something happens... no one will be there for us.. not the ppl whom he dearly wanted to serve.. not the government who wanted him there.. not the rest the ppl in the country.. it'll be only us who would have suffered... we had countless sleepless nights not knowing whether our father will come back or not.. and when we were in kandy... there were countless times where our house was swarmed with relatives who came in seek of refuge... i have lost cousins to bombs and stuff.. innocent chaps... most of em farmers...

even today he's serving in the east... after retirement he went there coz there were not ppl to work for those areas... if u remember the secretary who was shot in his office in trinco right after the thoppigala attacks.... that was one of our old family friends and my fathers colleagues... my returned to his quarters when his friend was shot... if was my parents who took the responsibility of bringing the body back to kandy... there was no reason to kill him.... they were only trying to scare the government... and you should've heard what some of the Tamils who came to the funeral said.. they were in tears because a man who helped them had been killed for no reason...
I have my bro who serves in the army... we dont' approve of it... but he must have his own reasons.... whom we'll never know if will come back home the next time... he escaped death for about three times now... but...

Anyways.. all that is isolated incidents and ppl...

still... looking at a bigger pic... no one can say that anyone's ass is on a comfortable chair anymore... just take today's incedents... everyday for three years i used to pass through nugegoda junction walking towards kohuwala to work... everyday..... today... 17 school children are dead... for what??? do they call that an attack... no one can say that the person who left home in the morning will return!!! so its not only the people in the "war zone" buddy....
right now... they've turned the whole country in to warzone...!!! so.... **** ***

all this for what????? a land that no one is gonna take when they die??? a land that people used to live for generations... a land that they never owned!!!!!
whatever who says... there is only one thing happening... innocent people and dying and the country is going to hell... its sad...

btw - i read somewhere that they were celebrating Prabhakaran's birthday... well.. if that is the case... we can clear say that they've celebrated it with a "Blast"!!!!!

No one should die like that.... no one.. for any reason....

Top 10 Torrent sites of 2007

1. Isohunt.com
   May, 2007: Isohunt has over 400,000 torrents in their database. Also noteworthy: any Isohunt torrent listed as "ISOhunt release" means that it is a file verified by the administrators...a nice feature to help you locate authentic torrents and not fake files. On a sad note: Isohunt is being sued by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) for copyright infringement. If you want to use this tremendous Canadian site, you better use it while you can.
   January 22, 2007: Although Isohunt was suddenly shut down by its original ISP before the weekend, the administrators have relaunched the service on a new ISP with new hardware. There are still problems, but Isohunt does live for the time being. The MPAA lawsuit is slated for a March summary judgment, so make sure you use Isohunt now, while you still can.
   
   
2. Torrentspy.com offers over 420,000 torrents in its database, the largest torrent index that is readily available to the public. Enjoy it while you can.
   
   
3. Torrentscan.com (a "meta-search" engine, which is a search engine that searches other search engines)
   
   
4. Snarf It! (born from previous Suprnova influences)
   
   
5. Torrentmatrix.com
   
   
6. Mininova.org has 190,000 torrents indexed as of April, 2007. Mininova is the successor to Suprnova, one of the original big torrent databases of the Web.
   
   
7. Demonoid (a personal favorite of many About.com readers, Demonoid is also a major tracker database that supports thousands of swarms around the globe. Even better, the Demonoid community polices itself by monitoring how much each member actually shares files. ("Leeches" are not tolerated at Demonoid). Note: because new memberships at Demonoid are scarce, you will need to be patient and committed if you wish to join.)
   
   
8. Torrentreactor.to (Torrentreactor has made a comeback from a hijacking and an uncooperative hosting service. They have moved to a different server setup and a Tonga country domain outside the USA. Read the details on their home page.)
   
   
9. Torrentportal.com
   
   
10. BTjunkie

New year...

Yay.... a week long holiday!!! The longest that we ever get!!!

From tomorrow till the 18th!!!! :-)

and from my younger days it used to be my fav holiday!!! you know the school term holidays... A time of refreshment and life... It was exciting all around...

Now the spirit is not there anymore... The freshnes is still in the air but its not as fun as it used to be!! Maybe its for the little ones only... not for people of our age!!!!

still its new year.... Wish you all a Happy New Year!!!!

Hi People.... I'm back...

Well... it was a looooooooooooooooooooong pause... again.... why??? as some of you already know.. i was down with that wretched chikungunya fever.... and I was totally knocked out for more than a week.... i was forced to go home and rest....

well I came back to office... and had a huge pile that i had to clear wihtout tiring myself as i was not fully recovered....

i killed time watching all sorts of movies and hogging over the TV... something that I hardly do... thank you cable TV for accompanying me through some of my worst days in my life so far.....

there is a movie that i'd suggest you guys to watch... called "wicker park.." its a romantic thriller sort of a movie... it really kept me right on the edge of the seat all the way to the end of it...

find it and watch it...... and let me know what you think of it.....

Happy 2007!!!

Hi all......

After a sickenning silence I am back..... before anything else... wish you all a happy new year....

well i know that its kinda bit too late in greeting you all.... well... at least now I did right...

Anyways... looking back.... an year has gone by.....
and well..... I feel more or less the same..... for this year I have some goals set... last year,.... well overall... its was pretty fucked up..... I got my heart broken and lost the woman I love..... and some of the people I really trusted betrayed and decieved me..... I was working my butt out... practically from 8.30 am to 2.00 am..... (well I was working so that it'll keep me busy and my mind occupied.... and I go home dead tired ready to fall asleep)

One of my best frieeds (female) fell in love with me.... but I didn't share the same feeling... it was an ugly scene!!! its not easy turning down someone who is dear to you... It was quite bumpy but it sort of solved with time... the friendship was more stronger and it prevailed... Thank god!!!!

Both my parents retired.... now they're at home.... I feel so sorry and happy for them at the same time... they've done the very best for the country the family and everyone around them...

There were good things too...

I joined in Blogger and I met u guys... it was superb...... the best thing that happened.....

my friend came back to SL after almost eight years... we had a good time together.... that was one of the most enjoyable things in the past year...

I'm going to become an uncle!!!! The first baby in our family...... hurrah!!! :-)

and my elderst brother got a transfer from Jaffna to Colombo.... he is a military guy... he was over looking a small camp right at the end of the country... Point Pedro....

I met some of the nicest people that i've ever met... some from the blog it self ... a few from work...

I started a Part time job.... at a market reserch place and again.... met some VERY.. ULTIMATELY nice people.... it has the best crowd ever..... very understanding and nice people....

guess life is like that... full of ups and downs..... the real strenght is when you can face each and everything with an equanimous heart and mind.... good times- bad times, the flowers they shower at you and the shit they throw at you... everything in an equonamouse mind... coz in the end... nothing really matters.... all that really matters is how you faced it... how you handled it...

so again.... I wish you all the very best for the coming year... may you all get the strength to face and overcome all the evil that you face with... work and live up to your dreams.... and enjoy every step on your way....

May the blessings of the tripple gem will be with you....

ALL THE BEST PEOPLE....